He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
