i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
