No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
