Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
