It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
