i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
