Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
