omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Who wears a wallet chain?!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
