he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
