i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
