That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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