I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
