Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
