Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
