i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
