I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
