Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He passed out mid-signature
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
