Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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