sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
is wine microwaveable?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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