you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
