I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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