i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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