so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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