Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
