How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
