He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize