yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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