If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My liver just broke up with me...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
