I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
