HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
