I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
