He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
