i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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