I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
