Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
