He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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