eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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