I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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