We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize