Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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