Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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