I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
