so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
