She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
