Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
whose parrot is this?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
