I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
