I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
