Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
