i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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