So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
