Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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