The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
