YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
