Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
as a side note pls kill me
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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