i just google imaged poop.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
