Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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