She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
