So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
