roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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