i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
