I must be too annoying 4 u.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
