he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
