Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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