ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I fill condoms, not promises.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
