I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
