Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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