In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
